Sharing Boundaries

Hopefully we all love our children and love to be close to them.  We are their parents and they should be able to talk to us about anything, we hope.  Children follow our examples good and bad.  We want to be a positive influence on our children.  We show them we have boundaries and one way is by not letting them disrespect us.  They should have boundaries also.  Everyone deserves respect and your children do to.  Assure them that it is ok to say no, when someone is hurting them and crossing their boundaries.

Ephesians 5:1 NKJV, “Therefore be imitators of God as dear children.”

By, LaShaunda Pittman

Children seldom lie about sexual abuse.  They find it very hard to tell someone.  If they tell you, you need to listen carefully and believe them.

Abused children often learn “survival skills” to protect themselves emotionally and physically, children may respond in different ways. For instance, they may:

DENY that the abuse is occurring.  Some daydream that they’re elsewhere, or that the abuse is happening to a stranger.  Others may block out the memory of the abuse.

WITHDRAW, if adult attention brings abuse.  These children learn that it’s not safe to express themselves or take chances.

SEEK APPROVAL from adults by being “perfect”-being the best in school, doing extra chores, helping others, for instance.

TURN OFF FEELINGS, both emotional and physical, to protect themselves from pain.

MISBEHAVE to express anger and frustration, or to get attention-even if it hurts.

BLAME THEMSELVES for the abuse and think they’re “bad.”  (It can be hard for children to recognize that adults aren’t perfect.)

MYTH:  Rape is caused by the perpetrator’s uncontrollable sexual urge.

FACT:  Rape is an act of power and control, not sex.

2010 Edition 1987 Channing Bete Company, Inc. About Adults Abused As Children

2009 Michigan Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence A Handbook For Survivors of Sexual Assault

Touch Me Not!

The Word of GOD says, “…“Do not touch My anointed ones, And do My prophets no harm.” 1Chr. 16:22  You don’t know who GODs anointed ones are and who his prophets are; your child could be GODs anointed or GODs prophet.  Just something to think about!

It’s human nature to want to be affectionate towards each other to express ourselves in a loving way.  Then there are those who want to pervert a good thing.  Good touching and bad touching is what we should make sure we discuss with our children, over the dinner table, on the drive home from school, or maybe right before bed.  Knowledge is power and the more we know the more we can use that knowledge to help protect ourselves and our loved ones.  Below is a list of good touches and bad touches:

Good Touches

ü  Hugs

ü  Gentle tickling

ü  Shaking hands

ü  Kisses from mom and dad at bedtime and for hellos and good-byes

ü  Pats on the back or head when someone does a good job

ü  A friend’s arm across someone’s shoulder

Bad Touches

´        Hugs that are too tight

´        Tickling that won’t stop

´        Hitting

´        Kisses from someone a person doesn’t like or doesn’t feel comfortable with

´        Squeezing a hand too hard

´        Someone touching the private parts of a child or making the child touch their private parts

MYTH:  Most perpetrators are strangers to their victims.

FACT:  Most sexual assaults are committed by someone that the victim knows: a neighbor, friend, acquaintance, co-worker, classmate, spouse, partner, or ex-partner.